Say No to Trader Joe’s

If your town, city, or neighborhood is about to get a Trader Joe’s, I would highly recommend you do what you can to stop it from coming. True, the people like working there, and it's got a super fun, upbeat vibe. Also, the products are great, and the prices are reasonable. I mean, sure, the super cute, affordable flowers are a ray of sunshine, and the dollar greeting cards will have you sending mail to everyone you know. I guess if you like unique, quality products like everything but the bagel seasoning, cookie butter ice cream, mandarin orange chicken, or cauliflower gnocchi, good for you.

Trust me when I tell you this: Trader Joe’s is the perfect place to visit when you're on vacation or visiting family or friends that have one close by, but you don’t want one in your town! Why? Because Trader Joe’s is almost a grocery store. Sure, it has yogurt, but not your brand of yogurt. Yeah, you can buy toothpaste there, but not the one you're used to, and do not buy toilet paper there for any reason. Trader Joe’s is best when, like a special holiday, it only comes around once a year. When you have easy access, you will go every week in addition to your normal grocery store. That means what you have done is now added at least one more grocery shopping trip a week. Because you now can’t live without the $4.99 peonies knowing they're available, your soul will now whisper, “You deserve joy.” Now, buying three bouquets—one for the table, one for the bedroom, and one for Instagram. When you get home from your regular food shopping, you will realize you now need the irresistible mini hold-the-cone ice cream treats. You’ll panic for a moment, then immediately go back out for those Trader Joe’s exclusives. I speak from experience. The first time I saw a Trader Joe's was visiting my brother and his family in California. I was like: cool, fun. Now I live and work by five Trader Joe’s, and I can tell you the siren song of candy pecans, Joe-Joe’s, and ranch cashews will lure you back again and again.

So trust me when I tell you this. If you are one of those people who love to go to Trader Joe's when you're visiting somewhere and wish you had one in your community, don't fall for it! You are better off being an occasional patron than a slave to the magic that is Trader Joe’s.